The Fire Down Below

Heart-pounding, gut-wrenching - jaw clenched, body tensed.



"I fell in to a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, downand and the flames went higher. And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire, the ring of fire." - J. Cash



Okay, so Johnny was talking about love. But I think it works for that frustrating feeling I get when I feel the rage build up inside me.
Anger is something that I've never been able to deal with. To me, it was a sign of weakness, like crying or showing any emotion but sarcasm.
Showing anger or tears is something that lets them know that they've gotten to you, and therefore gives them great pleasure in knowing they have the upper hand.
But the thing is, it doesn't matter if you show it or not. It's still their, boiling inside you.
The more you bury it the more it builds and soon you develop a fear of it. What will happen if I let it out? Will I lose complete control? Will I go postal?
It starts to eat at you and chew at your insides. Some people start taking medication just to soothe it.
When I was younger I was told once by someone close not to show emotion, just walk-away. But it took so much concentration not to show emotion, that I couldn't get my feet moving to walk away - so I became a human target for anyone who wanted to vent their rage. I was tormented and tortured to no end.
But I'm not going to get into that. That's something my therapist has to deal with.
Right now I'm focusing on anger. I cry when I'm angry. I get so mad that I actually cry. I have been known to hyperventilate, even get sick. How much fear can you possibly instill in the person you're enraged with when you're wimpering and stuttering?
I have to find a way. I'm feeling the frustration build and I have to let it out. Maybe I should take up boxing.

Vivian the Victim

I'm having one of those days.

It seems lately I'm having a lot of those days. My horoscope says that the afternoon will be much better. So here I sit. Waiting for the afternoon bliss to begin.

Above me I hear the dripping of a leak from a rusty pipe to the left of me. No one believes that its there though because apparently I'm the only one who can hear it. Everytime I tell everyone to listen it stops.

I think I'm being messed with by an unseen force.

The torment isn't caused by the leak itself but by which pipe has the leak. Where does that pipe come from. I hear a flush and the drip turns into tap, tap, tapping sound. Oh Lord.

One second, while I move a little more to the right...

The electronics of our office have mounted a revolt against us. We haven't been able to connect to the internet all morning and in a last ditch attempt I brought our router to a professional who got it working in under five minutes. I came back to the office and plugged it in. I was able to connect but no one else in the building can, on any of the floors.

Then the phone calls came in of angry coworkers blaming us for screwing up their internet. So upstairs we went to reboot their router.

Downstairs again and my computer won't connect to the printer. I give up. Never been a fan of electronics anyways.

But the calls haven't stopped and no one seems to understand that the cause isn't us but the deceptively cunning electronics, who are mounting a raid to destroy mine and my coworkers day.

Wave the white flag with the apple logo on it. Take pity on us souls who are at mercy to the bits and bytes, html scripting and wireless ghosts of technology.