The Fire Down Below

Heart-pounding, gut-wrenching - jaw clenched, body tensed.



"I fell in to a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, downand and the flames went higher. And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire, the ring of fire." - J. Cash



Okay, so Johnny was talking about love. But I think it works for that frustrating feeling I get when I feel the rage build up inside me.
Anger is something that I've never been able to deal with. To me, it was a sign of weakness, like crying or showing any emotion but sarcasm.
Showing anger or tears is something that lets them know that they've gotten to you, and therefore gives them great pleasure in knowing they have the upper hand.
But the thing is, it doesn't matter if you show it or not. It's still their, boiling inside you.
The more you bury it the more it builds and soon you develop a fear of it. What will happen if I let it out? Will I lose complete control? Will I go postal?
It starts to eat at you and chew at your insides. Some people start taking medication just to soothe it.
When I was younger I was told once by someone close not to show emotion, just walk-away. But it took so much concentration not to show emotion, that I couldn't get my feet moving to walk away - so I became a human target for anyone who wanted to vent their rage. I was tormented and tortured to no end.
But I'm not going to get into that. That's something my therapist has to deal with.
Right now I'm focusing on anger. I cry when I'm angry. I get so mad that I actually cry. I have been known to hyperventilate, even get sick. How much fear can you possibly instill in the person you're enraged with when you're wimpering and stuttering?
I have to find a way. I'm feeling the frustration build and I have to let it out. Maybe I should take up boxing.